Earlier this month, a real human person paid $965k in real human money to buy a single napkin.

Granted, that napkin contained sports history — it outlines a 2000 deal in which FC Barcelona promised to sign a 13-year-old Lionel Messi — but still, a napkin. The thing Sam’s Club sells 1.2k at a time for just $12.

This was the “world’s most famous napkin,” though

Messi’s contract has been called that, but is it really?

There are an absurd number of napkins out there — table napkins are the fastest-growing segment of the $42B+ global household paper market, after all — and a few of them may be more consequential:

• The Laffer curve, a precursor to trickle-down economics, was devised on a napkin.
• Southwest Airlines’ founding story centers around a (perhaps embellished) napkin-drawn pitch.
• A napkin deal altered the history of Chippendales, and ultimately led to a TV-depicted murder-for-hire scheme.
• One famed business lunch yielded early napkin sketches of Pixar’s A Bug’s Life, Monsters, Inc., Finding Nemo, and WALL-E.

Still, the Messi napkin will likely remain the most valuable: “The value placed on items associated with revered athletes and significant sporting moments often defies expectations,” per Artnet.

So this is an anomaly?

In all likelihood, yes — there is money in historical napkins, just not near-$1m money.

A (painfully) deep dive into challengers for the top-dollar napkin throne yielded interesting candidates, but none that could unseat Messi:

• Lipstick-imprinted linens are mercurial: Margaret Thatcher’s lips drew $3k bids and Gloria Estefan’s will run you $6.5k, while a Marilyn Monroe hanky fetched $325k.
• Same for celeb-autographed napkins: Elton John and Elvis Presley’s command ~$8.5k each, while an OJ Simpson one surprisingly only raked in $86. Fans of advice columnist Ann Landers need just $10.
• Curated collections can top six figures: Sotheby’s napkin-related sales since 2020 top $117k, and an 80k-napkin hoard was valued at $380k+.
• They’re less financially wowing, but sentimental favorites include a $600 centipede doodle by Luciano Pavarotti and a dirty $650 napkin maybe used by Julia Child, but nobody’s sure.

This being the internet, there are also trolls, even in the novelty napkin auction niche. Currently up for sale: a “napkin used by famous person” (no indication who) for $24k, an “old Taco Bell napkin” for $7.9k, and a “napkin used by Jesus Christ” for $12k. Happy shopping.

• A millennial blogger dubbed “God’s influencer” is slated to become the Catholic Church’s next saint. Pope Francis cleared the path for Carlo Acutis, who died in 2006 at age 15, to become a saint after attributing a second miracle (the minimum for sainthood eligibility) to the 21st-century evangelizer. If canonized, Acutis, who earned the nickname “God’s influencer” through his efforts to spread biblical teachings online by building websites for parishes and documenting Eucharistic miracles, would become the first millennial saint. He also apparently loved video games and Nutella.
• North Korea sent hundreds of poop- and trash-filled balloons to South Korea, turning dirty politics disgusting. According to the North Korean government, the campaign is in response to similar activities from South Korean activists, who’ve previously floated balloons filled with propaganda pamphlets, medicine, money, and USB drives containing foreign media to their northern neighbors. South Korean authorities have called the act a violation of international law and a safety concern for its citizens; meanwhile, North Korean officials are calling it “freedom of expression.” (We call it petty.)
• Asking nicely? Nope, not in America. In a new study on American etiquette, UCLA researchers found that the word “please” is hardly a part of Americans’ vocabularies anymore. Out of 1k “request attempts,” adults used the phrase just 7% of the time; among children, it was used in 10% of requests. (Fitting: According to a 2023 report, just 52% of US adults consider politeness an important quality for kids to have.) And when “please” is used, it’s typically to stave off resistance from the requestee. Turning down a polite request? Now that would be rude.