In a single week of 2004, Quiznos received 30k complaints. They had nothing to do with the chain’s subs, but a bizarre ad campaign featuring two rodents — known as Spongmonkeys — belting an off-key song.

If you somehow missed it, here ya go. If it still haunts you, guess what? They’re back, baby.

Jimmy Lambatos…

… founded Quiznos in Denver in 1981, touting the fact that, unlike other sandwich shops, it toasted its subs. Lambatos sold Quiznos to father-and-son franchisees Richard and Rick Schaden in 1991, who took the company public in 1994.

Quiznos grew rapidly, at one point becoming the second-largest sub chain in North America behind Subway, with 5k+ locations by 2007.

But it wouldn’t last

Several misfortunes and bad decisions occurred:

• Competitor Subway started toasting its subs
• The Great Recession led to numerous store closures
• Quiznos settled with several franchisees who sued over being forced to purchase food and paper goods from a subsidiary at above-market prices

Quiznos filed for bankruptcy in 2014, and fewer than 200 remain today.

In 2018…

… private equity firm High Bluff Capital bought Quiznos and placed it under the care of its restaurant platform, REGO Restaurant Group.

REGO is mounting a comeback with a new look, menu items, and drive-thrus.

Which is why the Spongmonkeys are back

In the early-aughts, Quiznos wanted to make a splashy ad with a small budget.

According to Mel Magazine, Ty Harper of ad agency The Martin Agency recalled a video by animator Joel Veitch that featured the “spongmonkeys” singing about the moon. Harper pitched it for subs.

• Quiznos put out a lot of weird ads — a man suckling a wolf, a suggestive toaster — but none was so polarizing and enduring as 2004’s Spongmonkeys.

So, naturally, Quiznos hired Veitch to make a brand-new commercial for its attempted comeback.

This one features the Spongmonkeys on a road trip to find the nation’s remaining Quiznos as the company attempts to court new franchisees, and rebuild its empire one toasted cheesesteak and fever-dream folk song at a time.

1) Attracting Gen Z and its $360B in spending power may prove to be Cirque du Soleil’s hardest trick yet. Cirque’s 40+ shows sell 10m tickets annually and account for ~80% of its revenue. But with an average attendee age of 42, execs now plan to launch a video game, home goods, a documentary, a convention, and *double checks notes… * fragrances.

2) If you like horses, you’ll love the “horse mecca” of Phoenix, Arizona. But if you are a horse, you’re probably pissed at Phoenix for its never-ending string of ultra-sweaty days. Horses heat up much faster than humans, and Phoenix’s 110+-degree temps are posing a very dangerous threat to the area’s $1.3B equestrian industry.

3) Speaking of both fragrances and sweating, it appears fragranced deodorant is hot. Old Spice and Secret owner Procter & Gamble says it’s found 90% of US shoppers want at least some scent in their deodorant products to help them get noticed. The Wall Street Journal found one woman who carries as many as 17 different scented deodorants with her when she’s away from home. No typo there — 17, ten plus seven. Wow.

4) If you’ve got the time (and luck), meteorite hunting can be quite the lucrative side gig. A gram of space rock can go for anywhere from $0.05 to $5k depending on its features, and the Maine Mineral and Gem Museum recently offered $25k to anyone who could recover a fresh meteorite that landed nearby. They don’t teach you about this career path in school, kids, but meteorite hunting may pay off.